just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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