Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
