No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
