would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
