i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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