on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
