So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
