I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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