"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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