It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
