Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
sarcasm needs its own font
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Green mimosas i think yes
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
