I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
