I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
