Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We have started to decorate penises.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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