Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
