Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
