You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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