Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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