I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
