Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
is it fun? or sober?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
