I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize