I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
