is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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