At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
