I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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