i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
