Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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