I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
