It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
