I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
