i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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