Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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