Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
