Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dicks are not precious.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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