i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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