nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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