Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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