this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm passing your future prison.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
