I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
