that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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