OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
