she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
