I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
