people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
