I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
