I cannot find my penis.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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