haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
