There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
