I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
