Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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