I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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