Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
