wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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