She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
