You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
