i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i think i have two assholes
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
