if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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