No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
