You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
They have beer where we have blood.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
