Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
