matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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