He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
