Do you still have your period?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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