You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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