I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
