i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
