Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
