Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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