Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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