Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
