when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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