saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my shit smells like andre
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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