the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just found a bag of teeth...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
