He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also, beer. Big fan.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
